Sailor Miranda
by vifetoile89
Summary: A new bracelet, cryptic comments about a cat, and a girl with dumplings in her hair... is River being her normal self, or is Simon right to suspect something otherworldly? X-over. Post-Movie. S/K, Complete.


Pretty-Suited Sailor Miranda

By Vifetoile.

A/N: I know that the last thing that River needs – literally, considering her fighting ability – is to be a Sailor Scout, but I totally could not resist. Blame my and my unhealthy addiction to crossovers.

This idea is mine, but Firefly and Sailor Moon are not.

"I dreamed about Miranda last night."

Simon looked up at his sister's words. "Was it a nightmare?" he asked sharply. "You didn't scream last night."

River shook her head. "It was a nice dream."

"Good to hear."

"I wasn't on Miranda. I was looking at it, like a star. A big, beautiful star. And it gave me power."

"That sounds like a nice dream."

They were sitting in the cockpit, River piloting Serenity with ease, Simon enjoying her company. She was silent for a while, then said, "There was a nice girl on the planet we last visited."

"Oh? You mean Chronos?"

"Yeah."

"You didn't talk to her, did you?"

"A little…"

"River…"

"She had no malice in her heart towards me," River chirruped against his reprimanding tone. "Her hair was blonde – almost white – and she wore it up in two dumplings." She demonstrated with a smile. "Like this."

"River, you know we can't talk to strangers."

"But she wasn't a stranger. I feel I've known her all my life. Or maybe from before."

"That's because you are _very_ intuitive, but don't confuse that with being able to truly gauge people's intentions."

"Simon, you underestimate me. You're such a louse."

Simon rolled his eyes.

Then he noticed a bracelet on his sister's left wrist, that hadn't been there before. It was three leather cords, black, knotted around a single blue bead. It was pretty, but…

"River, where did you get that? Did Kaylee make it for you?"

"No, I got it on Chornos."

"From that nice girl?"

"No. From her cat."

"_What_?"

"Don't worry, the cat was nice too."

"River – you know all the warnings about strange animals."

"Oh, this cat was so very strange I figured it was all right. Like the Cheshire Cat. Or perhaps I should say the United Authority of Warrington Cat."

"What? No, no, just… _how_ strange was this…"

"River!" Mal's voice preceded him into the cockpit. "Are you ready for our descent onto Rhea?"

"Dropped altitude and have informed the Amalthea authorities, preparing to land in one hour, but the winds are strong."

"All right. Now Rhea's a tricky place to land, so if you'll let an old hand show you the ropes…" he gave Simon a glare, which clearly said "Piloting stuff. You go below."

And Simon obeyed, as had become his habit, glancing back briefly at his sister and her new bracelet.

He decided to disembark briefly on Rhea – it was Kaylee's birthday coming up, and he wanted to buy her something nice. River came with him. They set off over the canals towards the fashion district. Amalthea was a big manufacturing hub, and the way to the fashion district lay between two large factories. "River, don't inhale," Simon warned her, holding up a handkerchief to his face and holding her hand tightly.

The district itself was nowhere near as organized as Simon had hoped – dresses and hats were piled up and strewn alongside cigarette cases, cheap knickknacks, baskets, frayed shoes, chandeliers…

"I may get a present for Kaylee," River said absentmindedly.

"Fine, just don't outshine me," Simon answered, still looking around. Eventually, he let River lead him – her instinct served them well, though in mysterious ways. At first Simon couldn't see the point of a table full of cheap belt-buckles. But then one caught his eye. It was in good condition, an iridescent blue-green depicting a hummingbird. Kaylee had talked about the hummingbirds that used to fly around the house where she'd grown up.

He inspected it: it was well-made, and would hold up well. He imagined her attaching it to her tool-belt, and smiled. It was perfect.

Well, perfect on his budget, anyway.

He bought it and asked River if there was anything she wanted to buy. She shook her head.

"But you haven't bought anything," he said.

She shrugged.

"Changed your mind about a present?"

"No… but let's go home anyway."

It was another hour before the factories closed, and the narrow thoroughfare was deserted.

Simon got a prickly feeling on the back of his neck. Something was odd now… someone, he felt, was watching. He gripped his sister's hand. "Come on—"

But even as they hurried, the streetlamps all around then flickered and went out. The thoroughfare was swamped in darkness. "No need to panic—" he started to say…

When everything fell into the surreal.

Suddenly the belt buckle began to glow with an unearthly light. And vibrate in its paper bag.

"_Don't touch it!_" It was River who seized the bag and flung it into the gutter. But the light didn't stop, and in fact the bag burst as – _something_ – grew out of it. A cackling laugh sounded. A spotlight – where did it come from? – shone down on the single most bizarre personage Simon had ever seen.

It appeared to be a woman – although somewhat more rectangular than the average, swathed in a hideous blue-green gress, with triangular, feathered wings growing out of her back, and a three-foot long beak for a nose.

"The hell?" Simon asked.

The woman-thing laughed with a sound like metal scraping on concrete. "A birthday present, _eeeh_?" She smiled, showing gold and bronze teeth. "But I see a lovely present right here – a shiny Pure Heart Crystal!"

She aimed and cracked a leather whip – Simon, trying to pull River, couldn't move fast enough – it struck him square in the chest. "Aaaargh!"

An electric pain shot through him and he collapsed, all energy gone. Before him, something beautiful was shining – and it was his, his own, he just knew it – delicate as a poinsettia. But it floated away, towards the buckle-woman.

"River…" he croaked. "Run…"

"Not a chance," she said. "_Miranda Star Power… Make-Up!_"

And there was a flash of blue light, and Simon's vision was spinning. The horrible hummingbird-woman was advancing, about to snatch up Simon's Crystal, when the light stopped, and a voice said, "Halt."

A girl stepped into Simon's vision – no, a warrior, though she kept her face turned from him. She wore a small black dress with a flared skirt, and a short chiffon wrap around her shoulders. Two bows of sky blue bloomed on her bosom and above the small of her back. She set her delicate feet into first position, wrapped in blue ballet slippers. Then she pointed at the demon, and Simon saw that she was wearing over-the-elbow blue gloves.

"Two by two… hands of blue?" he asked in a confused murmur.

"How dare you try and destroy this heartfelt gift? As the champion of love and justice, dancing and life, I will not forgive you! I am pretty suited Sailor Miranda, and I shall punish you!"

"_What_?" squawked the demon.

"What?" gasped Simon.

Then Sailor Miranda turned, and it was River – except not quite River – with her impish smile, and a blue jewel on her forehead, held in place by a silver chain. "Don't worry, big bro," she said, "I've got this."

Then she touched his forehead gently with her left hand, and Simon saw a bracelet of a black leather cord and a blue bead… and then he blacked out.

And the last thing he remembered was hearing a scream… and it definitely wasn't River.

"Simon, Simon, wake up!"

He opened his eyes, slowly. His head ached like he'd suffered a concussion. But Kaylee was bending over him and smiling, and that was enough. He smiled back, though confused.

"Hey, look! He's moving!"

The scene clarified itself: he was in his own medical bay. Zoe poked in her head. "Glad to see you're awake again, Doc; I'll tell the Captain." River was standing by, like a good guardian angel on the scene. She was back in her normal clothes, and smiling. "Good morning, sleepyhead."

"Did I – I didn't pass out, did I?" Simon asked.

"It was an explosion inside one of them factories. It released this hallucinogen into the air – the entire district's messed up. Sorry, Simon," Kaylee grinned, "But it looks like you passed out and hit your head. But River dragged you right out of there and back to us – babbling like a jaybird about crystals and a sailor – but you're here, and you're safe and sound." She kissed him on the forehead, then a few more places, and Simon decided it wasn't so bad to be on the receiving end of medical care from time to time.

And when Kaylee went away briefly to check up on Serenity's engine, River whispered in her brother's ear, "And don't worry, I got the belt buckle safe and sound." And she winked.

He smiled, but he had to ask, "River – was that – real?"

"Was what real?"

"You – Sailor Miranda – and that Pure Heart Crystal. Did I get it _back_? What was that?"

River drew back a bit, a very blank expression on her face. "I don't know what you're talking about," she said carefully, "But you're all in one piece now, you can bet your bottom dollar," and there was _something_ in the back of her eyes, like a secret joke or understanding, but she didn't let him plumb it, but turned away, saying "We're going to have soup for dinner; would you like to eat in here or in the dining room?"

And Simon let the matter drop; that was probably for the best. Just a hallucination, best to let it pass. But next week, after he'd given Kaylee her birthday present, and they were in her bunk, alone, for her _other_ "birthday present," he'd noticed something.

He spotted it out of the corner of his eye, and he stopped what he was doing, distracted. "When did you get that?"

"Oh, this?" She held it out: a bracelet on her left wrist, of three black leather cords knotted around a single, large, pink bead. "This was a present River gave to me last night. Isn't it pretty?"

"Yes – it suits you."

"I do like your present better," she added, kissing him on the neck, "But she said that this was a gift from the planet Athena. That's my home world. Wasn't that sweet of her?"

"Um… yes…" Simon muttered, and set to work distracting himself. "Very sweet…"

"Well, gosh," she laughed at his expression, "You don't have to look so scared! It's not going to rear up and bite you."

From on the floor, the belt buckle winked at him.

A/N: And thus Simon's slow descent into madness began…


End file.
